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Monday, 15 October 2007

Top English wits

UKTV channel Dave conducted a survey to find out the top British wits. Here are the top voted wittiest men in British history and I've linked each one to Wikiquote for more wit than you can handle.
  1. Oscar Wilde: "Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."
  2. Spike Milligan: "A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
  3. Stephen Fry: "It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue"
  4. Jeremy Clarkson: "We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive around in a Terminator, not the heroine in an EM Forster novel."
  5. Winston Churchill: "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
  6. Paul Merton: "My school days were the happiest of my life: which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty five years."
  7. Noel Coward: "Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar. Never spread it about like marmalade."
  8. William Shakespeare: "Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery."
  9. Brian Clough: "I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business, but I was in the top one"
  10. Liam Gallagher: (on Victoria Beckham) "She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book."
The list doesn't make much sense to me. Firstly, William Shakespeare never had to be consistently witty as a team leader on "Have I got news for you". Second, the top two in the list are Irish. I bet the next survey will be to was to find the best city in Britain only for Galway to win it. See, that's just me attempting to find my way onto the list for next year.


F. Bordewijk said...

Spike Milligan was born in India and his family was based in London. So not Irish at all.

Pedro Monscooch said...

Thanks for your pointless comment. The location of Spike Milligan's birth does not make him Indian, does it? The fact that his father was Irish does. His coffin was draped in the Irish flag and his gravestone has the words "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite" which means "I told you I was ill". So not Irish at all? You tell me, jackass. Don't you have something better to do?